


Couldn't Escape If I Wanted To

by ink_inEden



Series: Mamma Marauders! [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Based on an ABBA Song, Dancing Lessons, F/F, F/M, Gay Panic, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Maternal McGonagall, Oblivious Remus Lupin, Pre-Relationship, Sirius Black Being Ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:33:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23056291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ink_inEden/pseuds/ink_inEden
Summary: “Mr Potter! Mr Black! Mr Pettigrew!” Professor McGonagall’s voice suddenly boomed through the room, startling his friends so much that they crashed into each other in surprise and dropped to the floor in a bundle of limbs right in front of Remus’ feet. Professor McGonagall marched across the room. “What in Godric’s name do you think you are doing?”“My, my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger…,” Abba helpfully supplied in the background.Or the day when one of the Marauders kissed the teacher
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Mamma Marauders! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1471343
Comments: 2
Kudos: 76





	Couldn't Escape If I Wanted To

**Author's Note:**

> Another story about the Marauder's (*cough* Sirius' *cough*) love for ABBA set to the tune of "Waterloo".
> 
> **Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the world depicted in this story. They belong to J. K. Rowling. Same goes for the song lyrics, which belong to ABBA.**

//

_I_ , Remus concluded as he watched his friends duelling with their wands as if they were wielding swords while they simultaneously and sporadically sang along to an upbeat pop song, _have a very peculiar taste in friends._

“Waterloo – I was defeated you won the war! Waterloo – Promise to love you for ever more! Waterloo – Couldn’t escape if I wanted to-”

“Surrender!” James screamed suddenly before aiming another hit at Sirius’ side. “You can’t escape!”

“You wish!” Sirius gasped and twirled on the spot. “You’ll never get a piece of this.”

“Waterloo – Knowing my fate is to be with you!”

Sirius launched himself at the chairs lined up along the wall with James hot on his heels, forcing Alice and Frank to spring apart with a shriek. “Sorry, lovebirds,” Sirius apologised while he stumbled over the back of the chair and onto the floor with a jolt. “Please continue.”

Quickly, he jumped back on his feet and took flight from James’ wand. “Shit,” Peter murmured beside Remus, abruptly stopping his supportive cheering and clapping. “They’re coming our way.”

“Waterloo – Finally facing my Waterloo!”

Remus grumbled in agreement but he could still feel the last moon in his bones and he was _not_ moving for his daredevil friends – now, that he had finally arranged his body in a bearable position. Peter, the traitor, leaped up from his chair.

“Mr Potter! Mr Black! Mr Pettigrew!” Professor McGonagall’s voice suddenly boomed through the room, startling his friends so much that they crashed into each other in surprise and dropped to the floor in a bundle of limbs right in front of Remus’ feet. Professor McGonagall marched across the room. “What in Godric’s name do you think you are doing?”

“My, my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger…,” Abba helpfully supplied in the background. Remus let out a sigh of relief and silently vowed to take his prefect duties more seriously from now on as a sign of gratitude for McGonagall’s appearance.

“And what is this,” She gesticulated to the air around her head. “…warfare song?”

Of course, Sirius was the first to be in possession of all his arms and legs and back on his feet again. It wasn’t necessarily a win.

“It’s not a warfare song!” He replied indignantly and stepped over James and Peter towards their teacher. “It’s about _loving_ someone so much that you lose control over the feeling.”

Before anyone realised what was about to happen, he grabbed her hand and spun her around, singing “And how could I ever refuse? I feel like I win when I looooose!”

Remus briefly closed his eyes. _Please don’t._

A little wobbly, Professor McGonagall regained her balance. Sirius smiled at her, innocently and blissfully unaware of the inappropriateness of his actions. Immediately, their Head of House pulled her arm out of his grip like she had burnt herself and stopped the music with a flick of her wand.

“To _lose_ control,” She said with gritted teeth, maybe even a little out of breath. “You must first learn to _obtain_ it, Mr Black.” She adjusted her glasses. “Primarily _impulse control_ , as it seems.”

The smile disappeared from Sirius’ face as he finally realised that she wasn’t very impressed by his antics. Unsurely, he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “This band…” He started haltingly. “They are coming to London next month. If I promise to be on my very best behaviour, would you maybe consider-”

“The discussion of popular culture seems more suited for Muggle Studies, Mr Black, don’t you agree?” She gave him a pointed look over the rim of her glasses. “This is a _dancing lesson_.” She turned around and mustered the other Gryffindors, who had watched the exchange open-mouthed. “One that I would like to _begin now_ , so please clear the floor.”

Sirius deflated visibly and trudged over to Remus’ side. Remus _almost_ felt sorry for him.

The rest of the Gryffindor house hastily took a seat along the wall as well. Remus saw Lily give Sirius a sympathetic grimace from across the room. They had been brainstorming a plan that would allow them to go to that ABBA concert for months, but even their combined wits had not found a way around the powerful magic guarding Hogwarts.

Grumbling, Sirius slumped into the chair next to Remus and crossed his arms. Remus smirked and put one arm around his shoulders. “That went well.”

Sirius pouted. “You’re dumb and I don’t like you.”

Remus pulled him into his side. “Oh, come on! You have to be nice to me,” He whispered teasingly. “I still haven’t fully recovered from the other night.”

Immediately, Sirius tensed and turned his body towards him with worried eyes. “Shit, Moony. I’m so sorry.” He put a hand on Remus’ thigh, carefully feeling for the injury there. It felt disturbingly intimate. “Are you in pain?”

Remus swatted his hand away. “I’m _fine_.” He hissed, his eyes darting around the room to check if anybody had noticed their exchange. “It’s not that big of a deal. No need to draw attention to it.”

Indignantly, Sirius leaned closer. “Of course, it’s a big deal – it’s my fault!” He hissed back. His hands started searching for the injury at Remus’ collarbone instead. “And I need to draw attention to it because you never fucking do!”

“Sirius-” Remus gulped as Sirius’ fingers lightly brushed over the newly mended bones that hadn’t properly grown back together after the last transformation.

“You’re always _Moony The Martyr_ and I need to fucking worry that you don’t take enough care of yourself.”

“I promise, I-” Remus tried again but Sirius was really getting into his stride now. He almost pulled a little roughly on Remus’ jumper. Remus grimaced.

“You’re in pain! See! You’re in pain and you’re still here – for a dance class, mind you – like it doesn’t fucking matter but it does! It matters to me!” Sirius looked at him insistently, slightly out of breath from his sudden rant. “ _You_ matter to me.”

Remus bit his lip and stared back into those caring grey eyes full of turbulent emotions. He kind of felt like an idiot now. “Padfoot, I-”

“Mr Black!” Professor McGonagall’s voice abruptly cut him off. “I see you have chosen Mr Lupin as your partner then?”

Remus looked around in confusion, realising that everyone else had paired off and was staring at them expectantly. Alice with Frank, Peter with a girl from third year, James with Lily somehow, Mary with one of the Prewett twins…even Dorcas and Marlene were standing together with their hands settled in place and ready to begin.

“No!” Sirius exclaimed hastily and untangled his fingers from Remus’ clothes a _little_ more vigorously than necessary. Both Remus and Professor McGonagall raised their eyebrows. Sirius’ gaze darted from one to the other. “I mean – ofcourseIwouldlovetobeRemus’partner.”

A few sixth years snickered and Professor McGonagall’s eyebrows climbed even higher. Sirius’ cheeks flushed bright red. “I mean, if he weren’t a boy.”

His gaze turned towards Dorcas and Marlene’s clasped hands and his eyes widened in panic. “Not that that means I-we shouldn’t…couldn’t...I mean, I could still be Remus’ partner. There’s nothing wrong with being partners. And Remus would be a lovely partner. People would be lucky to have Remus as partner. So I would be lucky to have Remus as partner.”

The blush on his face turned darker with every word stumbling out of his mouth. “I mean, not that I want that…not that I _don’t_ want that…I just want to say – like, in this hypothetical scenario…I mean, what I want to say is that-”

“I’m injured,” Remus finally took pity on him. Sirius pressed his lips together, his posture falling into itself. “I tripped and hurt myself the other night, so I can’t dance.”

_I turned into a werewolf the other night,_ He silently communicated to Professor McGonagall through his eyes. _Give me a fucking break._

Luckily, she nodded without missing a beat. “Yes, Mr Lupin – a nightly prefect round, wasn’t it? Very well then – Mr Black,” She turned her attention towards the boy beside him, who still looked like he wished the ground would open and swallow him up. “Mr Black, I trust that your parents put great emphasis on your abilities as a well-rounded gentleman and made sure you were taught in the fine art of dancing?”

Sirius snorted, his distaste for his heritage finally a welcome distraction from his embarrassment. “If you want to put it like that… _Sure_.”

She extended one arm towards him and beckoned him closer. Reluctantly, he stood up, looking back at Remus like he was unsure if he should leave his side. Remus gave him an encouraging smile.

Professor McGonagall put one hand on his shoulder and offered him the other. “So am I correct in assuming that you also know how to lead a lady?”

Sirius froze in confusion and shock. “What?!”

She sighed. “ _Take my hand_ , Mr Black. You’re going to teach this lesson with me.”

Despite looking utterly horrified, Sirius snapped his mouth shut and did as he was told. Naturally, the snickering in the room increased. Remus could see a faint blush returning to Sirius’ cheeks.

Professor McGonagall simply cast a spell on the gramophone in the corner so that it started to play some wailing strings-carried tune and ordered the other students to get in position as well. The snickering immediately died down.

“ _1,2,3,4_ and _1,2,3,4_ …Take note of how Mr Black carries himself and where he rests his arms – remember, we aren’t primates.”

Naturally, Remus’ eyes were drawn to his friend. Because…well. Sirius surely was not a primate. Unconsciously, Remus leaned forward in his seat a little, feeling slightly dizzy somehow.

Sirius was…Remus stared at him, his eyes tracing every step and every turn. _Mesmerizing. Effortless. Elegant._

He seemed to almost _float_ over the stone floor.

Of course, _theoretically_ Remus knew that the Blacks did not raise their children just like any common wizard. They were basically royalty in the wizarding world after all. Regardless, this sophisticated and immaculate version of Sirius was a stark contrast to his purposefully messy and mischief loving self. It felt very foreign to Remus. But also confusing and captivating. He could never quite grasp how disciplining and frigidity could create such… _beauty_.

On request of Professor McGonagall, Sirius let go off her and released her into a turn, before smoothly drawing her back into a box step. The cursing and commotion that followed when everybody else tried – and failed – to copy their movements momentarily distracted Remus.

He thought he saw Peter step on his partner’s toes while Lily and James nearly collided with Alice and Frank.

Nobody even came close to replicating Sirius’ fluidity. Even Professor McGonagall’s years of practice couldn’t fully compete with his natural grace. Remus felt a proud and bemused grin spread on his face.

“Mr Pettigrew! – No, Mr Prewett, that’s not- Miss McKinnon! Be careful with the gramophone! Mr Potter…”

Sirius caught his eye over the shoulder of their distressed teacher. He stuck his tongue out at him. Remus just crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows challengingly. Sirius rolled his eyes and turned his back on him but instantly doubled down on the variety of his steps.

The effect was fascinating to watch.

Professor McGonagall stopped shouting, too busy with turning and spinning, while the rest of the room immediately dissolved into full-blown chaos. James and Lily somehow tangled their limbs so much that they fell to the floor with an unpleasant thud. Peter accidently knocked his flailing arm into some seventh year’s face, which sent both of their partners stumbling into each other. Alice and Frank crashed into a suit of armour. Mary tripped over a heap of fourth years. Gideon Prewett’s head made painful contact with his brother Fabian’s…

Only Dorcas and Marlene had given each other _one look_ , before they fled to the edge of the room and sat down next to Remus like civilised people. Immediately, Marlene turned towards him and raised her eyebrows with a knowing smirk. “Enjoying the show, Lupin?”

Remus bit his lip, hiding a smirk of his own. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, McKinnon.”

“Oh, please!” Marlene exclaimed teasingly and gesticulated at Sirius on the dancefloor who was still navigating expertly through the sea of fallen dancers. “This is like your… _thing_.”

Her eyes sparkled with mischief and a grin tugged on the corner of her mouth as if she was in on some secret joke. One that Remus should be aware of. He drew his eyebrows together in confusion. “What ‘thing’?”

Marlene froze and stared at him, clearly unsure if they were still bantering. She slumped back into her chair with a puzzled look, when she realised that he truly didn’t know what she was talking about. Remus didn’t like the way that made him feel.

“You know…like…” Helplessly, she waved her hand around in the air.

“Flirting.” Dorcas interjected dryly.

“ _Flirting_?!” Remus asked in bewilderment, even more confused than before. Oh, he _really_ didn’t like this feeling. Or the way they were looking at him right now. His eyes dropped to their intertwined hands.

“Like you two?” He asked defensively and gestured at their hands. He regretted it as soon as he closed his mouth.

Immediately, Dorcas and Marlene let go of each other as if they hadn’t even realised what they were doing. It had seemed natural, though. The way that Marlene was sitting on her hands now and Dorcas was at a loss what to do with hers, however, did not. Remus cleared his throat guiltily and all three of them awkwardly avoided eye contact.

Luckily, Professor McGonagall chose that moment to stop the music. “Well…” She said with her topknot slightly askew and mustered her students on the ground. “I guess this is quite enough of the waltz for today. Maybe we should continue with something more…contemporary.”

Equal parts relieved and mortified, the Gryffindors picked themselves up from the floor. While Professor McGonagall examined the injuries and sent the more severe cases to the hospital wing, Sirius carefully tried to retreat to his seat behind her back. Remus bit his bottom lip to hide the smile that threatened to appear on his face. He didn’t want to give Marlene and Dorcas the wrong idea. There was no _thing_.

“Mr Black!” Professor McGonagall called after him before he could reach Remus’ side. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut in regret and flinched involuntarily. Slowly, he faced her again, preparing himself for her scolding. “Yeah?”

“You’re not a mouse, Mr Black – no need to look so scared.” She adjusted her hairdo and waved him back over. Still wary, Sirius walked towards her. Professor McGonagall mustered him from head to toe. “You did well. I’m impressed.”

Sirius stared at her, as if she had just declared that she was actually a cat transformed into a human animagus. _No, scratch that._ Knowing Sirius, he was probably convinced of that already.

Professor McGonagall cocked her head to the side, seemingly amused. “20 points to Gryffindor for excellent footwork and leadership.”

The expression on Sirius’ face could only be described as pure, unadulterated joy. Remus felt his heart swell. As much as Sirius claimed to be indifferent to their teachers’ appreciation, he was still a child and rarely – if ever – got praised by a parental figure.

“I allow you to choose a song from that band which you are so fond of to teach the next dance.”

“Thank you,” Sirius said almost shyly and dropped his gaze.

However, the way he was worrying his bottom lip and wringing his hands told Remus that something was on his mind. Professor McGonagall seemed to notice it as well. “Is there a problem, Mr Black? I expected you to be overjoyed by this suggestion.”

“No, I-” He took a shaky breath and wrapped his arms around himself. “It’s great. I just…Could I-could I ask you for something else?” He tugged on the hem of his jumper and looked at her with puppy eyes, before he quickly continued. “ABBA – the band – is performing in London in a few weeks and my friends and I would really love to see them perform…And, like, that’s not possible without your permission.”

Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows. Remus got the impression that surprise and exasperation were battling in her mind. “I appreciate the trust you put in me, Mr Black.” She finally settled on. “Unfortunately, we all have our own set of rules we have to follow.”

Sirius’ shoulders dropped slightly in disappointment. “Well,” he said with husky voice before he cleared his throat awkwardly. “I guess, I’ll take the song then. I mean, that’s-that’s really kind of you.”

He raised his chin and squared his shoulders as if he she had not just crushed his dream. Nevertheless, Remus could tell by Professor McGonagall’s fleetingly softening gaze that he had to be close to tears.

Professor McGonagall flicked her wand and caught the record sleeve zooming towards her out of the air. Thoughtfully, she tilted her head to one side and mustered the album cover. Sirius glanced at Remus in helpless confusion but Remus leaned forward in his chair and signalled him to stay put.

“How many people would your group of ‘friends’ entail, Mr Black?”

Lily, Marlene, James and Alice’s arms shot up in the air immediately and Marlene quickly grabbed his and Dorcas’ hands to pull them up as well. Reluctantly, Peter and a few other students followed their example. The sorry rest of the Gryffindor house shrugged before they also lifted their hands – obviously, none of them would miss out on the slim chance of going to a concert in the middle of the school year.

Sirius smiled shyly when he saw the overwhelming support while Professor McGonagall inspected the scene argus-eyed. Finally, she sighed and handed the record over to Lily.

“Professor Dumbledore did mention that he is still in need of a musical backdrop for the Yule Ball,” she said casually and turned her attention solely to Sirius. “Upbeat pop music and extravagant outfits might be quite convincing arguments for his decision.”

Sirius gaped at her in disbelief. “You mean-”

An almost unnoticeable smile appeared on Professor McGonagall’s lips. “Yes, Mr Black, I’ll suggest hiring ABBA to him.”

Immediately, the whole room erupted in cheers and Marlene gave Remus an unknowingly quite painful slap on the shoulder in excitement. Her reaction was nothing compared to Sirius’, however.

He let out an ear-piercing, happy squeal and flung himself at their teacher with full force. Before anybody knew what was happening – least of all Professor McGonagall – he had his arms wrapped around her neck and pressed a smacking kiss against her unsuspecting lips.

Everybody froze instantly in whatever position they were currently in and gaped at him. Horrified, Sirius pulled back and clasped his hands over his mouth. For two excruciatingly long seconds, he stared at her like a cub in front of a lion.

Then, Professor McGonagall took a long suffering sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. “ _Impulse control_ , Mr Black, we talked about this.”

//


End file.
